A while ago I was wondering what I would write, where I would start. It then occurred to me that I might want to start at the beginning. But what constitutes the beginning? Should we start from my birth? My genes? No doubt the wonderful dynamic that passes for sanity in my family was passed down to me and has contributed to the trials and tribulations that this teenage girl has gone through. But I'd rather not start there, after all, my family might read this.
Let's go from when my ADD and depression first began to seriously affect my life in negative ways. It was freshman year of high school and to the outside world I had every appearance of being a healthy fourteen year old girl. However, my grades were starting to dip. Classes were simple enough academically but were monotonous and full of five point assignments that I constantly lost. I was unorganized, messy, and it seemed the only class I truly thrived in was drama.
At home things weren't a lot better. My mother was always trying to help keep me organized and on track, but she didn't really understand what was going on with me, why I was constantly initiating screaming fights that would leave me helplessly furious without outlet. I would wake up the next morning exhausted and hoarse from screaming into my pillow. Over the winter I became moody and apathetic. I was gaining weight like crazy but I didn't care about my appearance anymore. Eventually I began cutting my thighs using a shaving razor as a release. Everything culminated in the spring of 2008 when my mother and I got in a fight about my grades. I finally got up the courage to show her that I had been hurting myself. I don't think she really knew what to do and it really caught her off balance. But she pulled together and got me in with a therapist.
After a month or two of counseling my therapist referred me to a psychologist because she believed I had ADHD Inattentive Type. I had never in my life been suspected of having ADD. Yes, I was a bit of a daydreamer, but for the most part I could stay in my seat and I stayed out of trouble. I was in the Gifted and Talented program, but by the time I reached middle school my grades wouldn't stand out from any other average student. My teachers were uniform in their comments. "Mekkin is bright and talented, but she needs to apply herself."
Soo...I went to see a psychiatrist and he officially diagnosed me with ADD and depression and anxiety. Fun stuff.
Stay tuned for tomorrow when I talk about DRUGS!
Stay fabulous.
